Tethering?!
I am writing this in hopes that the person I am writing about doesn’t realise it is him I’m referring to. Even though I am not mentioning names, I know it is easy to identify that person. Then, there are also a bunch of people who try to read between the lines and have a misconception of my feeling for my friend. He is my friend full stop. Anyway, back to the story…
Someone wrote about social learning a few weeks back. I understand the full impact and extent of it since I have been influenced and influencing others for a long time. I didn’t know the name for that but I called it modelling.
On one of our outings, I made a facial expression and then immediately changed it. I laughed at myself. He asked why was I laughing. I, being frank as usual, told him I thought I was imitating his smile or facial expression. His response made me wonder more. It’s called tethering and it’s not a good thing, he said. So, I know what is mobile tethering and stuff like that but not in context of friendship. He explained that it means we’re forming a bond.
Yay! Great! Friends are meant to form a bond, right? Isn’t that what modelling or social learning is all about?
But note that he said it is not a good thing. He said something about practicing non-attachment. Personally, being someone who used to avoid attachment with friends in my teenage years, I completely understand his stance. However, over time I realised attachment is a natural thing. It is best to go with the flow than against the flow. The more your practice non-attachment, the more complicated or lonelier your life becomes.
I know the importance of attachment and the effects of distance on that attachment. Keeping in mind that I moved 4000 miles away from my friends and family some time back. Then, I stopped imitating him. I started becoming self-conscious of the words I say. He might not have known about my imitation of his facial expression if I didn’t tell him. So, I was more concerned about my words and tiny actions than facial expressions.
Then, there is this quote I read recently. It says …
Now, how difficult can it be to practice non-attachment, right?
I came up with a few different scenarios in my head to see how that would work. If we had both people not taking effort to stay in each other’s life and that’s a simple formula, these people will remain strangers or acquaintance. Changing the scenario, if one person takes the effort to stay and the other one doesn’t, this makes life complicated. There is going to be partial one sided attachment between them and one of them will be hurt by the end of their journey together. I had the last scenario where both people take effort to stay in each other’s life and they will have a strong friendship.
Personally, the last time I tried to distance myself from my friends to practice non-attachment, it didn’t work out well. We had a big drama when they realized I didn’t want to be attached, but that’s just typical teenage girl phase maybe. Now, 6 years after that incident, I have stopped thinking so much about attachment. When we think so much about all these things that surrounds our life, we will forget to live our life. I am always scared that will happen to me.
The recent incident with my friend just sparked my curiosity about it. I have no idea if anyone else thinks about stuff like this as much as I do. I still feel like I am partially attached to my friend. To be honest, I am fine with it. If I end up getting ignored again, I will still be there for him. Just because that’s what friends do and that’s just how I am. They don’t know him like I do, not that I know him all that well anyway. He keeps bringing up lines like ‘you know me off the Internet, dude!’ every now and then. However, my friends from back home might disagree, heck, even my sister would disagree with my views on life.
My friends and family are just trying to protect me and I am perfectly fine with it. I have, on numerous occasions, called them my guardian angels. I think they know my worth and don’t want me to lose my self-worth. Thanks, guys, you know who you are 😊
Back to the topic, practicing non-attachment is not my cup of tea. I rather be attached with my friends and have the strength to deal with it when it doesn’t work out than to distance myself from people. It will make me stronger and teach me life lessons, so why shun away from things that will make you better?
By the way, when I form attachment to someone, it is forever. Glad to say the people I had my non-attachment drama with when I was young are still the best people in my life. Life happens but we still keep in touch.
Consider this a rant, because it is. Now I will go and edit this to make it article-worthy for another blog.
Someone wrote about social learning a few weeks back. I understand the full impact and extent of it since I have been influenced and influencing others for a long time. I didn’t know the name for that but I called it modelling.
On one of our outings, I made a facial expression and then immediately changed it. I laughed at myself. He asked why was I laughing. I, being frank as usual, told him I thought I was imitating his smile or facial expression. His response made me wonder more. It’s called tethering and it’s not a good thing, he said. So, I know what is mobile tethering and stuff like that but not in context of friendship. He explained that it means we’re forming a bond.
Yay! Great! Friends are meant to form a bond, right? Isn’t that what modelling or social learning is all about?
But note that he said it is not a good thing. He said something about practicing non-attachment. Personally, being someone who used to avoid attachment with friends in my teenage years, I completely understand his stance. However, over time I realised attachment is a natural thing. It is best to go with the flow than against the flow. The more your practice non-attachment, the more complicated or lonelier your life becomes.
I know the importance of attachment and the effects of distance on that attachment. Keeping in mind that I moved 4000 miles away from my friends and family some time back. Then, I stopped imitating him. I started becoming self-conscious of the words I say. He might not have known about my imitation of his facial expression if I didn’t tell him. So, I was more concerned about my words and tiny actions than facial expressions.
Then, there is this quote I read recently. It says …
I’m practicing non-attachment. Accepting what comes and allowing it to leave when it’s time. What’s for me will be for me effortlessly
Now, how difficult can it be to practice non-attachment, right?
I came up with a few different scenarios in my head to see how that would work. If we had both people not taking effort to stay in each other’s life and that’s a simple formula, these people will remain strangers or acquaintance. Changing the scenario, if one person takes the effort to stay and the other one doesn’t, this makes life complicated. There is going to be partial one sided attachment between them and one of them will be hurt by the end of their journey together. I had the last scenario where both people take effort to stay in each other’s life and they will have a strong friendship.
Personally, the last time I tried to distance myself from my friends to practice non-attachment, it didn’t work out well. We had a big drama when they realized I didn’t want to be attached, but that’s just typical teenage girl phase maybe. Now, 6 years after that incident, I have stopped thinking so much about attachment. When we think so much about all these things that surrounds our life, we will forget to live our life. I am always scared that will happen to me.
The recent incident with my friend just sparked my curiosity about it. I have no idea if anyone else thinks about stuff like this as much as I do. I still feel like I am partially attached to my friend. To be honest, I am fine with it. If I end up getting ignored again, I will still be there for him. Just because that’s what friends do and that’s just how I am. They don’t know him like I do, not that I know him all that well anyway. He keeps bringing up lines like ‘you know me off the Internet, dude!’ every now and then. However, my friends from back home might disagree, heck, even my sister would disagree with my views on life.
My friends and family are just trying to protect me and I am perfectly fine with it. I have, on numerous occasions, called them my guardian angels. I think they know my worth and don’t want me to lose my self-worth. Thanks, guys, you know who you are 😊
Back to the topic, practicing non-attachment is not my cup of tea. I rather be attached with my friends and have the strength to deal with it when it doesn’t work out than to distance myself from people. It will make me stronger and teach me life lessons, so why shun away from things that will make you better?
By the way, when I form attachment to someone, it is forever. Glad to say the people I had my non-attachment drama with when I was young are still the best people in my life. Life happens but we still keep in touch.
Consider this a rant, because it is. Now I will go and edit this to make it article-worthy for another blog.
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