Time heals the wound?!
We are at that moment in life where we must have experienced grief at least once in our life. Losing a loved one can be an extreme pain whether to a natural cause, sudden occurrence or to leave by choice. What is more difficult is, trying to live life they never had the chance to live and to process the pain. People grieve in different ways and people understand grief in different ways.
Personally, I never understood the pain till I saw my precious one going through so much of pain just to live one more day of her life. I have lost a cousin and an aunt when I was young. I had amazing moments with them but I was too young to remember the pain. Not to say losing them was easy, I cried but I also had little memories with them.
The problem with grief is that, the more you know the person, the more it impacts you. The deeper the wound is, the longer it takes for the wound to heal.
Did I say heal?
No, the wound doesn’t heal. The wound stays on, there will never be a scar because the wound doesn’t heal.
Whoever said time heals everything was definitely lying. Time doesn’t heal pain, time just makes you stronger and numb to the pain. Ten years down the road, I know I will still be crying for all the lost souls in my life.
Memories of my cousin is vague but more angelic because she was this gorgeous woman who loved everyone around her and I remember the day my strong dad cried his heart out on the hospital floor when she passed on. It’s ridiculous that as beautiful as she looked, the image of her that is stuck in my head is her lying in the coffin.
Then, my aunt passed on and I was too childish at that time. I know my cousin was losing her only parent left but I just used my childishness to distract her from her sadness, never actually thinking about the grief. My aunt was an amazing lady and I always loved her. I spent my school holidays in her house and it was one of the best ones I’ve ever had. I know how much she meant for my mum. Losing a sister is never easy when you’ve had an entire lifetime of memories to process.
Loved ones are not always family, right? Family is not always blood relations. I grew up believing she is my aunt until one day my mum explained that we are just very close family friends who’ve known each other for many years. I saw her passing away right before my eyes just a couple of days before Diwali. It was tough because we don’t want to celebrate Deepavali when they are grieving their loss. We felt the loss too. I missed her terribly, I missed talking stories with her for hours in my house. We mourned her a lot that we never celebrated Deepavali that year.
I’ve lost a fair amount of them and hated having to mourn their losses. I stopped asking why they died and just took it as a circle of life instead.
One of the hardest blow in my life till now is the loss of my cousin. I was 22 when this happened. My cousin had cancer and was fighting a battle. I always saw her as a really strong woman so I never believed that she would actually lose the battle. Not until I took the drive on Valentine’s weekend in 2015 to see her losing the battle. I had a lifetime of memories of her. She came into my family when I was 2 but she’s been there for me for some key moments in my life. Her passing was surreal to me. Trying to be a strong pillar for her daughters and not crying in front of them was challenging. I remember sitting down in my car to cry for hours in the middle of the night before her funeral service.
I did not know how to handle my grief. My parents definitely handled it better than me, I suppose, due to the years of experience they’ve had dealing with grief. I came home and went to work, trying to just go on with my daily routines. I realise it’s not that easy. My first day back at work after the service, I couldn’t teach in class. The students asked why I was away and I couldn’t speak about it and ran to the toilet to cry instead. I spoke to my friends and they offered shoulders for me to cry on. It took me a while to come to terms with it.
Now, it’s been over 3 years but I can’t say the wound has healed. It’s still there, I still cried while writing this article but I am learning to accept that it is normal to feel grief, the way I deal with grief and the most important lesson I have learnt is that
I understand the whole Hindu funeral service better now, as gory or mean as they seem to be. My uncle passed on recently, he is another one of my dearest loved ones but I didn’t get to attend the service. I think he still lives on in my mind. I keep thinking I am going to go home and meet him. I am sure I will come to terms with it soon.
Grief makes you push people away (guilty as charged), makes you feel angry towards the world but mainly grief makes you appreciate and be grateful for the life you’re living right now. I know this is not how all of us would feel about grief but I hope people confide in family and friends and process grief in a healthy way.
Personally, I never understood the pain till I saw my precious one going through so much of pain just to live one more day of her life. I have lost a cousin and an aunt when I was young. I had amazing moments with them but I was too young to remember the pain. Not to say losing them was easy, I cried but I also had little memories with them.
The problem with grief is that, the more you know the person, the more it impacts you. The deeper the wound is, the longer it takes for the wound to heal.
Did I say heal?
No, the wound doesn’t heal. The wound stays on, there will never be a scar because the wound doesn’t heal.
Whoever said time heals everything was definitely lying. Time doesn’t heal pain, time just makes you stronger and numb to the pain. Ten years down the road, I know I will still be crying for all the lost souls in my life.
Memories of my cousin is vague but more angelic because she was this gorgeous woman who loved everyone around her and I remember the day my strong dad cried his heart out on the hospital floor when she passed on. It’s ridiculous that as beautiful as she looked, the image of her that is stuck in my head is her lying in the coffin.
Then, my aunt passed on and I was too childish at that time. I know my cousin was losing her only parent left but I just used my childishness to distract her from her sadness, never actually thinking about the grief. My aunt was an amazing lady and I always loved her. I spent my school holidays in her house and it was one of the best ones I’ve ever had. I know how much she meant for my mum. Losing a sister is never easy when you’ve had an entire lifetime of memories to process.
Loved ones are not always family, right? Family is not always blood relations. I grew up believing she is my aunt until one day my mum explained that we are just very close family friends who’ve known each other for many years. I saw her passing away right before my eyes just a couple of days before Diwali. It was tough because we don’t want to celebrate Deepavali when they are grieving their loss. We felt the loss too. I missed her terribly, I missed talking stories with her for hours in my house. We mourned her a lot that we never celebrated Deepavali that year.
I’ve lost a fair amount of them and hated having to mourn their losses. I stopped asking why they died and just took it as a circle of life instead.
One of the hardest blow in my life till now is the loss of my cousin. I was 22 when this happened. My cousin had cancer and was fighting a battle. I always saw her as a really strong woman so I never believed that she would actually lose the battle. Not until I took the drive on Valentine’s weekend in 2015 to see her losing the battle. I had a lifetime of memories of her. She came into my family when I was 2 but she’s been there for me for some key moments in my life. Her passing was surreal to me. Trying to be a strong pillar for her daughters and not crying in front of them was challenging. I remember sitting down in my car to cry for hours in the middle of the night before her funeral service.
I did not know how to handle my grief. My parents definitely handled it better than me, I suppose, due to the years of experience they’ve had dealing with grief. I came home and went to work, trying to just go on with my daily routines. I realise it’s not that easy. My first day back at work after the service, I couldn’t teach in class. The students asked why I was away and I couldn’t speak about it and ran to the toilet to cry instead. I spoke to my friends and they offered shoulders for me to cry on. It took me a while to come to terms with it.
Now, it’s been over 3 years but I can’t say the wound has healed. It’s still there, I still cried while writing this article but I am learning to accept that it is normal to feel grief, the way I deal with grief and the most important lesson I have learnt is that
‘I have a life and time that these people did not have, life is too short to live with regrets’
I understand the whole Hindu funeral service better now, as gory or mean as they seem to be. My uncle passed on recently, he is another one of my dearest loved ones but I didn’t get to attend the service. I think he still lives on in my mind. I keep thinking I am going to go home and meet him. I am sure I will come to terms with it soon.
Grief makes you push people away (guilty as charged), makes you feel angry towards the world but mainly grief makes you appreciate and be grateful for the life you’re living right now. I know this is not how all of us would feel about grief but I hope people confide in family and friends and process grief in a healthy way.
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