Four months in Brisbane
Why is the end of the fourth month, 17th of June, significant enough to write a post? Most people would pick the third, sixth or even a year. The story begins like this… When I came here, I met an education agent from Philippines who told me research proves that it takes four months for an international student to settle in completely, for the homesickness to run its full course. So, this is me praying hard that I have settled in and handled the struggles of an international student somewhat competently.
The first month, I was living with my Filipino homestay host and I still felt like I had a shoulder to lean on when I get tired of being an adult. I never had to worry about meals and she’d make sure I had food to eat and she gave me complete freedom, though I was ridden by homesickness to actually enjoy it completely and became withdrawn from her and her partner. There were dinner nights I was forced to socialize when all I ever wanted to do then was to shut myself in the room and cry to sleep because I wanted my social circle from Malaysia. I’m chuckling now when I think about it because it feels childish. Feels like one of those moments from my kindergarten when I was hugging on to my sister because I didn’t want to go in and make new friends (I’m still laughing out loud while I’m typing this out). My homestay host was definitely trying her best, she cooked spicy dishes even though she doesn’t eat them and bought Indian food (it was horrible) to make me feel better but I hate to say it wasn’t very successful. At the end of the fourth week, I managed to move out to a room in a shared house right opposite university. I was participating in all kind of university events I can find in hopes of finding for friends I can bond with. It was an alright month for me.
The second month, I moved out of the homestay and started living in a room in a shared house. How exciting! However, trust me when I say it was so very lonely. I appreciate my friends but I definitely felt like I couldn’t confide in people about my struggles of finding for friends. Everyone thought I was having the time of my life but I was slowly approaching the low in my life. I went to university, attended the workshops, different events, trying to hold to someone and form a bond. I got on to an anonymous online application on my phone with hopes of finding friends. I spoke to so many people on there, some for days yet they still turn out to be judgmental when they find out that I am a Malaysian. Some people were just very seedy and wanted to date. Unfortunately, my idea of relationship and dating differs from the conventional way. I ended up moving some people to the friendzone but no one was interested to become a friend. By luck, I started chatting with my now friend, L. Turns out my new friend has the exact qualities of what I want in a friend. This friend is genuine, just blurts out what is on their mind and happens to be non-judgmental. Yay! That was a jackpot moment in my Australian journey. Meanwhile, I managed to make some acquaintances from my lecture classes and social events too.
The third month, I will be honest and admit this was the lowest I have ever been in life, except when I was grieving the loss of loved ones. The success I felt in my second month was short-lived. I made two nice friends on campus (though we were all from different faculties) but my friend, L wasn’t too happy to be my friend. I was depressed and I realized I have been cooping myself in the room for days and crying myself to sleep. I hated the person I was becoming and started thinking too much about why no one wanted to be my friend. I got homesick and fought with my parents for ignoring me for days. I was worn out, I was tired of trying to fit in. I still participated in social events but I felt like an outsider in my own life. Like I was an audience in my life and being someone who likes to take charge of their life, that made me feel troubled. I am a positive person but it was devastating that I couldn’t even be happy that I was lucky enough to land the one and only job I applied for. Though I am blessed with some amazing people in life, I couldn’t burden them with my worries and concerns. I felt like they wouldn’t understand my struggles. Now I see all the positive light in my life, but back then it was difficult to go through each day. Actually, studies were going on well and I was learning to cook, that should have counted for something, right? Then, one day, I managed to take the courage the reconnect with L because I felt a strong need to confide in someone. When I reconnected, I constantly felt self-conscious, like I was gonna say something wrong and things would go back to low. Literally felt like I was walking on egg shells with L but it was definitely for my own advantage. Having been labelled as an amazing friend, I feel embarrassed to say that I was trying to be friends with someone for my own advantage and I didn’t have anything to offer. I tried really hard to not take advantage of L because I am so used to giving in friendship, taking something felt like a bad thing. That is by far the worst month I have endured in my journey.
The fourth month, this happened to be my favourite month. I took the chance and went for a weekend trip to help out the local community. I made more friends during that journey and I was initially anxious about meeting this whole bunch of people but it went on well. My colleagues at workplace became friends and I was finishing up my semester. Phew, time flies! I was becoming more sociable, felt like I was becoming my usual self. I hung out with a couple of friends when I went to the other campus and more often with L. I liked it because I was forming bond with people and it gave me a sense of belonging to Brisbane. Maybe it is too early to say, but I feel at peace with the small social circle I have at the moment. One of my friends on campus will be heading home to Germany soon since he was on a student exchange programme. Oh yea, I even had a random act of kindness relocating a kitten with L. That’s worth an entire post by itself but it has been good. I called my parents most days and spoke to my friends on Skype and WhatsApp.
I have a tendency to sweep my struggles under the carpet but lately, I have been thinking that it is worth documenting, after all. Not everyone shares the same journey as mine, some have it harder but I am going to look back at this post on later day and stay positive that life doesn’t always stay at low. Ups and downs are parts of our life. Like the wise education agent said, maybe the four months was all I ever needed. Maybe I might feel low one of these days, but it doesn’t last forever. I am a fighter, I will rise up against the lows and seize the moments in my life. I am looking forward to a beautiful journey with amazing people.
The first month, I was living with my Filipino homestay host and I still felt like I had a shoulder to lean on when I get tired of being an adult. I never had to worry about meals and she’d make sure I had food to eat and she gave me complete freedom, though I was ridden by homesickness to actually enjoy it completely and became withdrawn from her and her partner. There were dinner nights I was forced to socialize when all I ever wanted to do then was to shut myself in the room and cry to sleep because I wanted my social circle from Malaysia. I’m chuckling now when I think about it because it feels childish. Feels like one of those moments from my kindergarten when I was hugging on to my sister because I didn’t want to go in and make new friends (I’m still laughing out loud while I’m typing this out). My homestay host was definitely trying her best, she cooked spicy dishes even though she doesn’t eat them and bought Indian food (it was horrible) to make me feel better but I hate to say it wasn’t very successful. At the end of the fourth week, I managed to move out to a room in a shared house right opposite university. I was participating in all kind of university events I can find in hopes of finding for friends I can bond with. It was an alright month for me.
The second month, I moved out of the homestay and started living in a room in a shared house. How exciting! However, trust me when I say it was so very lonely. I appreciate my friends but I definitely felt like I couldn’t confide in people about my struggles of finding for friends. Everyone thought I was having the time of my life but I was slowly approaching the low in my life. I went to university, attended the workshops, different events, trying to hold to someone and form a bond. I got on to an anonymous online application on my phone with hopes of finding friends. I spoke to so many people on there, some for days yet they still turn out to be judgmental when they find out that I am a Malaysian. Some people were just very seedy and wanted to date. Unfortunately, my idea of relationship and dating differs from the conventional way. I ended up moving some people to the friendzone but no one was interested to become a friend. By luck, I started chatting with my now friend, L. Turns out my new friend has the exact qualities of what I want in a friend. This friend is genuine, just blurts out what is on their mind and happens to be non-judgmental. Yay! That was a jackpot moment in my Australian journey. Meanwhile, I managed to make some acquaintances from my lecture classes and social events too.
The third month, I will be honest and admit this was the lowest I have ever been in life, except when I was grieving the loss of loved ones. The success I felt in my second month was short-lived. I made two nice friends on campus (though we were all from different faculties) but my friend, L wasn’t too happy to be my friend. I was depressed and I realized I have been cooping myself in the room for days and crying myself to sleep. I hated the person I was becoming and started thinking too much about why no one wanted to be my friend. I got homesick and fought with my parents for ignoring me for days. I was worn out, I was tired of trying to fit in. I still participated in social events but I felt like an outsider in my own life. Like I was an audience in my life and being someone who likes to take charge of their life, that made me feel troubled. I am a positive person but it was devastating that I couldn’t even be happy that I was lucky enough to land the one and only job I applied for. Though I am blessed with some amazing people in life, I couldn’t burden them with my worries and concerns. I felt like they wouldn’t understand my struggles. Now I see all the positive light in my life, but back then it was difficult to go through each day. Actually, studies were going on well and I was learning to cook, that should have counted for something, right? Then, one day, I managed to take the courage the reconnect with L because I felt a strong need to confide in someone. When I reconnected, I constantly felt self-conscious, like I was gonna say something wrong and things would go back to low. Literally felt like I was walking on egg shells with L but it was definitely for my own advantage. Having been labelled as an amazing friend, I feel embarrassed to say that I was trying to be friends with someone for my own advantage and I didn’t have anything to offer. I tried really hard to not take advantage of L because I am so used to giving in friendship, taking something felt like a bad thing. That is by far the worst month I have endured in my journey.
The fourth month, this happened to be my favourite month. I took the chance and went for a weekend trip to help out the local community. I made more friends during that journey and I was initially anxious about meeting this whole bunch of people but it went on well. My colleagues at workplace became friends and I was finishing up my semester. Phew, time flies! I was becoming more sociable, felt like I was becoming my usual self. I hung out with a couple of friends when I went to the other campus and more often with L. I liked it because I was forming bond with people and it gave me a sense of belonging to Brisbane. Maybe it is too early to say, but I feel at peace with the small social circle I have at the moment. One of my friends on campus will be heading home to Germany soon since he was on a student exchange programme. Oh yea, I even had a random act of kindness relocating a kitten with L. That’s worth an entire post by itself but it has been good. I called my parents most days and spoke to my friends on Skype and WhatsApp.
I have a tendency to sweep my struggles under the carpet but lately, I have been thinking that it is worth documenting, after all. Not everyone shares the same journey as mine, some have it harder but I am going to look back at this post on later day and stay positive that life doesn’t always stay at low. Ups and downs are parts of our life. Like the wise education agent said, maybe the four months was all I ever needed. Maybe I might feel low one of these days, but it doesn’t last forever. I am a fighter, I will rise up against the lows and seize the moments in my life. I am looking forward to a beautiful journey with amazing people.
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