A Bystander's Perspective
This is not my story but my friend’s. I can’t start the timeline of our friendship. I have known her since my first year of high school. We rode the same school bus and used to goof around in the bus. However, I’d say I didn’t actually become her friend until 7 years later. After I left high school, before I became her friend, I realised that she was in a relationship with a guy, a guy who I am embarrassed to call my relative, even if it’s by my cousin’s marriage.
It’s funny how we reconnected after years. Maybe it is my destiny to enter her life. She is this magnet of negativity while I am the total opposite of that. I missed the person she has become. She was so happy during school days and used to have the most beautiful smile on her face.
She was in a toxic relationship with that guy. That guy cheated on her with multiple girls but she was blinded by love and loyalty. Her exact words were ‘every time he came back, I thought he’d be a changed man’. Some men can never change, cheating is a habit to them. She had an on and off relationship with him for about 6 years. That was damn long!
I hate that dude for putting her through that. I am not someone who would turn physically violent, but I bet he deserves a few slaps from me. Whenever he was back with her, I stopped talking to her as frequently as I did. It was always my words against his. I saw what bad he was doing to her. Nonetheless, when he left, my shoulder would always be there for her. I am a good listener, and that’s what she needed the most. She needed someone to stop judging her for going back to him. She loved him more than she ever loved herself.
What he did was break her beyond repair for any other guy.
I remember she lied to me about him hitting her because she knew I would drive down and knock his face for doing that. I am a very protective friend indeed. I never bothered about my mum asking me to be ladylike, I was always bold and ready to stand up for what is right. He also left her damaged emotionally. He made her feel like she was a trash and shattered her confidence level. Her other friends would talk about how she used to confident until she met this guy.
I have so much of hatred for him, just making sure we’ve established that fact. Because I could go on and on about what an asshole he is. But this is not his story.
Following all that for years, she fell into depression. It hurt me to see her like that but I wouldn’t be all teary eyed in front of her. I became what I have always been, a strong person. We come from a society that thinks mental illnesses are not real. Apparently, it is a made-up disease in the person’s head.
I hated it, people keep asking me why is she so sad over him. ‘Just ask her to move on, he is not the only guy in this world’. Yea, think we haven’t figured that out yet? If only it was that easy. Depression is not just being sad. Depression is a feeling lower than sadness. When you are sad, you can cry it out and hope you feel better after sometime. However, depression is different.
Depression is a real struggle. As much as you want to get up from that bed in the morning, you don’t see a purpose in doing so. My friend used to say she feels like she has big bricks attached to her back and legs. It took so much effort for her to get on with her daily chores. Because I didn’t like the abyss she was falling into, I gave her options. I asked her to seek professional help or I will do it for her. I really didn’t want to do it for her. I know that it is best she reaches out herself than me forcing her. I did offer to follow her to the appointments. She made an appointment after a month of my nagging.
She sought a psychologist’s help but she gets tired of attending the appointment. The first appointment was effective, she came back all so positive. But it felt like a depleting bottle of magic potion. She was positive because she was seeking help but not because she was really getting better. She became obsessed. She always stalked him and his now girlfriend on social media. She’d get paranoid that they are gonna get married. The interval between her stalking habit was becoming more frequent. I hated it!
I am a patient person, whenever she texts me to pour out her emotions, I would call up and talk to her. I did my own research on what should I do to help a depressed friend. So, I might not have been a professional but I knew what I can and have to do as a friend. I am a chatterbox, so I would entertain her with my stories. All my attempts were short lived. It was only temporary.
She lost faith in God and I prayed for her instead. Her condition was taking a toll on her family members. She wouldn’t attend her appointment with her doctor because she thought she’ll be alright. The final blow to it came a month before I left the country. She would always cry to me but I never once saw her battling things with her family.
As any parent would, they became tired. Any family would be devastated to see their daughter suffering and the guy living happily. On one of those days, I went to her house. I could hear her hysterical arguments with her mum from the car park. I was scared because I knew she was having suicidal thoughts. I have always hung out at her places during those times. I stepped into the house and that’s the worst bouts of her depression!
My actions might not have been the best choice but I did what I had to do. I tried to get her to be grateful for being alive when what someone else would have wanted was to live another one day. I talked to her for almost an hour. She was older and I have respect for her, otherwise I would have slapped some sense into her. I spoke instead, since that is what I do best.
She calmed down and we had breakfast. At that moment, I felt afraid to leave the country. Call me a coward if you want, but I was afraid I won’t have the strength to take the loss of my friend, if anything were to happen. Now, it sounds like an emotional blackmail but I did ask her to take care of herself for me and to be grateful.
Five months since her breakdown, I wouldn’t say she is having the time of her life. She still battles with depression on some days but she gets over them by channeling her emotions into gym and exercising. Her depression is no more associated to her ex-boyfriend, it just comes and goes as any depression state would.
She is off most of the social media and she did this for her own good. It is definitely making a difference in her life. Nowadays she also has to battle with social pressure of getting married. She is ready to move on if there is a guy who cherishes her for all her amazing qualities. She is confident and knows her worth now.
I am aware of the risks of mental health illnesses because of her. I have a strong need to raise awareness because of her. I have heard how wrong things can go if help is not given. Some people are just afraid of the stigma attached to it. I believe it is time we start looking at people with more compassion and we will see a better world, perhaps.
It’s funny how we reconnected after years. Maybe it is my destiny to enter her life. She is this magnet of negativity while I am the total opposite of that. I missed the person she has become. She was so happy during school days and used to have the most beautiful smile on her face.
She was in a toxic relationship with that guy. That guy cheated on her with multiple girls but she was blinded by love and loyalty. Her exact words were ‘every time he came back, I thought he’d be a changed man’. Some men can never change, cheating is a habit to them. She had an on and off relationship with him for about 6 years. That was damn long!
I hate that dude for putting her through that. I am not someone who would turn physically violent, but I bet he deserves a few slaps from me. Whenever he was back with her, I stopped talking to her as frequently as I did. It was always my words against his. I saw what bad he was doing to her. Nonetheless, when he left, my shoulder would always be there for her. I am a good listener, and that’s what she needed the most. She needed someone to stop judging her for going back to him. She loved him more than she ever loved herself.
What he did was break her beyond repair for any other guy.
I remember she lied to me about him hitting her because she knew I would drive down and knock his face for doing that. I am a very protective friend indeed. I never bothered about my mum asking me to be ladylike, I was always bold and ready to stand up for what is right. He also left her damaged emotionally. He made her feel like she was a trash and shattered her confidence level. Her other friends would talk about how she used to confident until she met this guy.
I have so much of hatred for him, just making sure we’ve established that fact. Because I could go on and on about what an asshole he is. But this is not his story.
Following all that for years, she fell into depression. It hurt me to see her like that but I wouldn’t be all teary eyed in front of her. I became what I have always been, a strong person. We come from a society that thinks mental illnesses are not real. Apparently, it is a made-up disease in the person’s head.
I hated it, people keep asking me why is she so sad over him. ‘Just ask her to move on, he is not the only guy in this world’. Yea, think we haven’t figured that out yet? If only it was that easy. Depression is not just being sad. Depression is a feeling lower than sadness. When you are sad, you can cry it out and hope you feel better after sometime. However, depression is different.
Depression is a real struggle. As much as you want to get up from that bed in the morning, you don’t see a purpose in doing so. My friend used to say she feels like she has big bricks attached to her back and legs. It took so much effort for her to get on with her daily chores. Because I didn’t like the abyss she was falling into, I gave her options. I asked her to seek professional help or I will do it for her. I really didn’t want to do it for her. I know that it is best she reaches out herself than me forcing her. I did offer to follow her to the appointments. She made an appointment after a month of my nagging.
She sought a psychologist’s help but she gets tired of attending the appointment. The first appointment was effective, she came back all so positive. But it felt like a depleting bottle of magic potion. She was positive because she was seeking help but not because she was really getting better. She became obsessed. She always stalked him and his now girlfriend on social media. She’d get paranoid that they are gonna get married. The interval between her stalking habit was becoming more frequent. I hated it!
I am a patient person, whenever she texts me to pour out her emotions, I would call up and talk to her. I did my own research on what should I do to help a depressed friend. So, I might not have been a professional but I knew what I can and have to do as a friend. I am a chatterbox, so I would entertain her with my stories. All my attempts were short lived. It was only temporary.
She lost faith in God and I prayed for her instead. Her condition was taking a toll on her family members. She wouldn’t attend her appointment with her doctor because she thought she’ll be alright. The final blow to it came a month before I left the country. She would always cry to me but I never once saw her battling things with her family.
As any parent would, they became tired. Any family would be devastated to see their daughter suffering and the guy living happily. On one of those days, I went to her house. I could hear her hysterical arguments with her mum from the car park. I was scared because I knew she was having suicidal thoughts. I have always hung out at her places during those times. I stepped into the house and that’s the worst bouts of her depression!
My actions might not have been the best choice but I did what I had to do. I tried to get her to be grateful for being alive when what someone else would have wanted was to live another one day. I talked to her for almost an hour. She was older and I have respect for her, otherwise I would have slapped some sense into her. I spoke instead, since that is what I do best.
She calmed down and we had breakfast. At that moment, I felt afraid to leave the country. Call me a coward if you want, but I was afraid I won’t have the strength to take the loss of my friend, if anything were to happen. Now, it sounds like an emotional blackmail but I did ask her to take care of herself for me and to be grateful.
Five months since her breakdown, I wouldn’t say she is having the time of her life. She still battles with depression on some days but she gets over them by channeling her emotions into gym and exercising. Her depression is no more associated to her ex-boyfriend, it just comes and goes as any depression state would.
She is off most of the social media and she did this for her own good. It is definitely making a difference in her life. Nowadays she also has to battle with social pressure of getting married. She is ready to move on if there is a guy who cherishes her for all her amazing qualities. She is confident and knows her worth now.
I am aware of the risks of mental health illnesses because of her. I have a strong need to raise awareness because of her. I have heard how wrong things can go if help is not given. Some people are just afraid of the stigma attached to it. I believe it is time we start looking at people with more compassion and we will see a better world, perhaps.
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