Marriage: Yay or Nay
I consider myself too young to think about marriage, after all I am only 25 years old. I swear if I didn’t have unmarried older siblings, my parents would have pressured me into marriage when I finished my degree. However, thankfully, that is not the case. I am surrounded by many people who are of age for a marriage. ‘Of age for a marriage’? Heck, whoever decides there’s an age for marriage? Your age, old or young, shouldn’t determine your readiness for marriage. After all, marriage is not a game of Snap or jigsaw puzzle.
Maybe it is a game in life. I am beginning to feel like there is a game for every stage in life. That would make it easier to contextualize.
So, who decides it is time to tie the knot? In most cases, it is definitely not the individual’s decision. The right age to get married is determined by society and parents. I know quite a few of them who got married due to parents’ expectations and they regret that decision now. These people’s parents are not alive anymore and they are forced to live with a choice they made to please someone else. That’s a miserable way to live life, isn’t it? Why do parents think it’s time for their children to get married? Why is marriage used as a benchmark to measure success in life?
A lot of unanswered questions and the more I wonder, the more I am beginning to dislike the society. I have always been free spirited, refusing to do things because it is expected of me but more because it is my heart’s desire. Isn’t that what life is about? Doing things for yourself. Yes, I do little things to please my parents and people around me but marriage is a HUGE step.
I am surrounded by people who always ask the usual ‘festive season questions’. Questions like, ‘what are you doing in life?’, ‘do you have a boyfriend?’, ‘why don’t you have a boyfriend?’, ‘oh you have a boyfriend, so when is marriage?’. When you just wanna say something sarcastic to their face but you can’t because they are family and friends, you just smile and give a polite reply. There are times I give people a piece of my mind, depending how pressured I feel at that moment and the need to vent out.
Since we’re on this topic, let me share a small incident from some years back. I had a family vacation to India in 2014. My family along with 2 of my cousins decided to drop by my relative’s village in India. I was 22, my sister was 25 and my cousin was 28. I had an uncle ask us why aren’t all of us married yet. I know there are a lot of other factors behind that question, such as his exposure to the emerging trend or his background and mentality of gender roles. However, his next question appalled me and I just walked away from there, leaving my sister and cousin to fend for themselves. He asked, ‘what’s the use of women studying so much? You’re gonna end up getting married anyway.’ Walking away was a better option than my sarcastic remark damaging the relationship.
I am not anti- marriage, I want to marry someone in its true sense, after all I am a hopeless romantic. Definitely not just because it is expected of me. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, compromise and responsibility. If I make hasty decisions due to social pressure and become unhappy in a marriage, society will continue to judge me and will rarely offer help anyway. Some might not agree with my perspective, but that’s what it is about, right? Looking at an issue through different lenses broadens your knowledge.
It’s time society stops pressuring people into marriage and starts asking people to live their lives instead. I know one post is not gonna change the expectations overnight. After all, meeting expectations have been a habit for some people, we have been trained to be that way. Consider this a rant from recent events then, you can live your lives however you want while I continue to live mine.
Maybe it is a game in life. I am beginning to feel like there is a game for every stage in life. That would make it easier to contextualize.
So, who decides it is time to tie the knot? In most cases, it is definitely not the individual’s decision. The right age to get married is determined by society and parents. I know quite a few of them who got married due to parents’ expectations and they regret that decision now. These people’s parents are not alive anymore and they are forced to live with a choice they made to please someone else. That’s a miserable way to live life, isn’t it? Why do parents think it’s time for their children to get married? Why is marriage used as a benchmark to measure success in life?
A lot of unanswered questions and the more I wonder, the more I am beginning to dislike the society. I have always been free spirited, refusing to do things because it is expected of me but more because it is my heart’s desire. Isn’t that what life is about? Doing things for yourself. Yes, I do little things to please my parents and people around me but marriage is a HUGE step.
I am surrounded by people who always ask the usual ‘festive season questions’. Questions like, ‘what are you doing in life?’, ‘do you have a boyfriend?’, ‘why don’t you have a boyfriend?’, ‘oh you have a boyfriend, so when is marriage?’. When you just wanna say something sarcastic to their face but you can’t because they are family and friends, you just smile and give a polite reply. There are times I give people a piece of my mind, depending how pressured I feel at that moment and the need to vent out.
Since we’re on this topic, let me share a small incident from some years back. I had a family vacation to India in 2014. My family along with 2 of my cousins decided to drop by my relative’s village in India. I was 22, my sister was 25 and my cousin was 28. I had an uncle ask us why aren’t all of us married yet. I know there are a lot of other factors behind that question, such as his exposure to the emerging trend or his background and mentality of gender roles. However, his next question appalled me and I just walked away from there, leaving my sister and cousin to fend for themselves. He asked, ‘what’s the use of women studying so much? You’re gonna end up getting married anyway.’ Walking away was a better option than my sarcastic remark damaging the relationship.
I am not anti- marriage, I want to marry someone in its true sense, after all I am a hopeless romantic. Definitely not just because it is expected of me. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, compromise and responsibility. If I make hasty decisions due to social pressure and become unhappy in a marriage, society will continue to judge me and will rarely offer help anyway. Some might not agree with my perspective, but that’s what it is about, right? Looking at an issue through different lenses broadens your knowledge.
It’s time society stops pressuring people into marriage and starts asking people to live their lives instead. I know one post is not gonna change the expectations overnight. After all, meeting expectations have been a habit for some people, we have been trained to be that way. Consider this a rant from recent events then, you can live your lives however you want while I continue to live mine.
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